Been a Long Time....

So... yeah I felt like writing today. Let's see... still have 2 kids (havent sold them or sent them to boarding school inside of a volcano yet...)

My oldest is on crutches (again) and that's a whole blog of its own...
My youngest is....well, she is fine actually, she has such a quick wit, I now believe she is mine. Her dad is not quick witted, although he is funny.. Well, laugh at him anyways...

I am the mother of a middle schooler and an exceptionally gifted elementary schooler.

I enjoy my job and have actually grown quite fond of the characters I work with. They keep me laughing.

Hmmm, what else? OH... I am planning a wedding (not mine)
But we shall see how this works out.... lol great couple and we have some really beautiful ideas...
I am so excited for them!!!

Who is this?

This person has come into my life out of the shadows.
They make me feel like they have known me for years, maybe in another life.
I feel good around them.
I feel smart
I feel appreciated and loved
I feel strong and secure
I feel confident and sexy

Who is this person?

It is me…
I am who I have been waiting for all these years!
I feel like I am back from a long journey visiting an old friend… Loving me is where I needed to be….

Decisions....

There comes a time in your life when as an adult you have to make decisions. I have always been one to have my mind made up and there was NO changing it. I don’t know if I am still that head strong or if I am becoming more like my dad.

I say that meaning, he used to be impulsive in his decisions and head strong as well, things had to be perfect and perfect was the equivalent to being right and his decisions were always perfect (in his mind). I have always been JUST like that.

Now that he has gotten older, wiser, more mature or whatever it is, he is more patient. He is less impulsive and now wants to make the right decisions and not the perfect ones. I am seeing that change occur in me. I no longer associate perfection with being right. Does that scare me? Yes!

I feel like I live in a bubble full of question marks? I tell my children to always do your best but do I follow my own advice? My sister once wrote a blog about the changing of the seasons and although I understood her blog, I am just now UNDERSTANDING her blog (if that makes any sense).

There will be more to come if I can decide what to write next..:)

How I have been feeling...

This may be the most serious email I have ever sent, anyone laughing will be ... shot in the pinky toe!! A friend called me a few minutes ago and asked me how I have been feeling since all of the 'female issues' began... She has begun the journey I hope I am almost finished with... I wish I had a Garmin to tell me how many miles til it was over...right now I am recalculating...She asked me to describe how I feel and this is the best way I can describe it...

Most of you know what I have been going through monthly with the 3 week cycles, headaches, and OCCASIONAL moodswings... Through everything I have been dealing with for the past 5 years, there are about 3 weeks a month I feel like this:

I have a headache. My eyes are feeling kinda weird and puffy, fuzzy and heavyish. My stomach is bloated. My innards feel crampy. I'm hot. I'M HOT. DAMMIT I'M HOT! You can ask my mom and sister, my house is set on 70 damn degrees and I am sweating!!!

My children sleep in flannel pajamas and wrap up in robes and blankets in the summertime... People walk outside in 100 degree heat to thaw out, THEN come back in the house... Last week, I swear my house was so cold, my coffe pot would not get hot enough to make a pot of coffee... ice cream does not melt on my counter...

THIS IS THE WORST THING IN THE WORLD (TO ME)!

If this is what menopause feels like...I'm sure I will come close to bashing myself in the head with an anvil (Does anyone have the number for ACME so I can place my order now?) and my home will be kept at 36 degrees while I'm walking around in a bikini with my hair in a knot up top.

I want to kill everyone (no offense). Cute kids laughing? Death mutant ray to the gut.

Little old ladies picking out Hallmark cards? Death mutant ray to the gut.

Puppies? Death mutant ray to the gut.

People knocking on my door to invite me to church or asking me to buy steaks off a truck? Death mutant ray to the gut.

Friend or family call to see if i need anything (unless they are on the way over to do an at home hysterectomy..dont bother) Death mutant ray to the gut.

The lizard in the garage? Gluetrap to the gut...EVIL LAUGH EVIL LAUGH EVIL LAUGH

I am HOT. Too hot.

My other half was used to a warm reception from me. He know knows that If he touches me...I shall stab him in his femoral artery!

Simple huh? I guess it could be worse...

Friends

I am blessed to have the friends I have, the TRUE friends that are not scared to telll me what I need to hear whether I want to hear it or not.

I am blessed to have the friends I have, the TRUE friends that I can talk to and tell them the things THEY need to hear whether they want to hear it or not.

I am blessed to have the types of friends that I can call and talk to about absolutely nothing or everything.

I am blessed to have the types of friends that can be honest with me when they can not even be honest with themselves..

I am blessed to have the types of friends that can and sometimes do, cry on my shoulder and offer the same in return.

I am blessed to have the friends I have, you know the kind that you would do anything for, the kind that when they feel pain you feel the pain...

I love my friends, some are 'vintage', some are 'new', some are gone but the memories will last forever.

Bryon, Tyrone, Cris, Marci, Susie, Samara, Nicole, & Tyra - I thank you all for touching my life and being who you are. I am blessed to have all of you in my life!!!

Why

I think Why? is my favorite word. Not because of any reason other than it leads to knowledge. Recently someone told me that everytime I ask why, they second guess themselves because they feel like they have to have a perfect answer. HA! That is a crock of shit...

If you make a decision, you should be able to back it up,"just because I said so does not work on an adult."

There is no perfect answer, there should be some rationale behind a decision that anyone makes that involves me, my family, my time, or my money. So if my asking why means you ae second guessing yourself, maybe you need to second guess yourself. If you do not believe in your decision, do not ask me to go along with it.

Second guess that...

Have you ever.....

Have you ever had a love that made you change your entire life?

Have you ever had a love that changed their entire life for you?

Have you ever wondered what your life would have been like had you done this or not done that?

Have you ever been so proud of another person SOOO much you actually cried?

Have you ever loved someone so much, you never wanted to see them again?

Have you ever given your all just to find out- it wasn’t appreciated?

Have you ever laughed so hard, you wont tell what happened next?

Have you ever had to call your house from a block away and say, “ unlock the door, open it, and get outta the way?”

Have you ever called some one that was on the way (literally in the car on the way) to see you if they had any mustard with them?

Have you ever had a friend you loved more than life itself but never had the guts to tell them?

Have you ever wanted to grab someone and hold them and tell them you want to be with them forever…as you watch them walk down the aisle with their new spouse?

Have you ever left the bathroom with toilet paper hanging from the back of your pants?

Have you ever fallen at home and wondered, how can I get paid time off for this?

Have you ever ‘been with someone’ and wished the lightbulbs were blown?

Have you ever been with your friends and run into the person you never called back?

Have you ever treated someone wrong just because you could?

Have you ever wished for someone to call and then, LOW AND BEHOLD, the phone rings, and it isn’t them? That split second though, you had butterflies

Have you ever thought you were a pro at something until you find out you have been doing it wrong the whole time?

Have you ever talked the talk but when you got called on it, you could not walk the walk?

Have you ever… wished you had the time to finish a blog….I have

I just dont get it

What makes people tick? What makes some people become go-getters and others come-giveme's? Is it the parents fault? Is it society? No, it is simple, lazy stubborn ass people that want to go through life with their palm up and ass down.

I will never understand it, both my sister and I are go getters, we may not go at the same pace or in the same manner but we are not really good at waiting for things to happen, we make things happen.

Simple, how long does it take you to get a roll of film (remember those things) to get developed? Well, I dont think it is more than 48 hours from the time the last picture is taken (ok truth be told, 36 max). We are impatient at times but thorough.

I just wonder what will happen to those who cant 'just do it', I guess they will find someone to go get it for them... hmmmm

Hercules, Hercules, Hercules

My youngest angel (3yrs old) had her first Christmas Program at Daycare! I mean her first without her sister performing with her. Last year was year 1 for her and let's just say, she was literally shoved on stage and then she just stood there looking around like, "dont look at me..."

I was shocked because her sister (5yrs old) is a natural born performer, she has never met a stranger, and loves the spotlight!

This year, she sang Silent Night and I saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus and danced to Winter Wonderland. My first thought was, "LORD, please dont let my baby get stage fright" then I thought, "Please dont let her start crying or forget her words". Needless to say, I was SO wrong! She ROCKED!!!!!

She was one of the only children that knew the words and you could see the joy in her face when the applause came. She looked like, "Yeah, I like this" She asked for a microphone for christmas and she got it. She sings non-stop now. I am so proud of her I could write for days.

How To Shower Like a Woman:

How To Shower Like a Woman:

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundryhamper according to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposedareas.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.

Get in the shower.

Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth,long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoowith 43 added vitamins.

Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditionerenhanced with real passionfruit.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10minutes until red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cakebody wash.

Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs.

Turn off shower.

Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

Spray mold spots with Tilex.

Get out of shower and stand on bathmat.

Dry with towel the size of a small country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towelon head.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposedareas.

How To Shower Like a Man:

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed andleave them in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom.

If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at hermaking the woo-woo' ! sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror.

Popeye says...

I am what I am and that's all that I am...

This is so true.. I have thought long and hard about who I am. I am who I am...

So many people are quick to tell me what I should do, what I should've done or what they think is best for me. Well, tough. unless you have walked in my shoes, you can't tell me if they fit or not...

I have made mistakes and I have learned from them. I will continue to make mistakes, I pray I continue to learn from them. If you have NEVER experienced what I have experienced, how do you know what I should do? Advice is fine whether I agree with it or not. I can respect someone for stating their opinion because it is just that, opinion.

Two people can experience the same thing but because of life experiences and personality differences, they may react differently. Things affect people in different ways. You never know the hurt someone feels, you can claim to 'understand' the situation and point fingers but do you really know the hurt someone is feeling?

It is easy to tell someone to just accept a situation or a person but without having the history and truly placing your opinion aside, can you honestly point fingers? Maybe I can accept a situation for what it is, but others can not accept the way I have accepted it.

Things happen in your life that mold and shape you into who you are, remember that others may not understand it, may not want to understand it but you have to find peace within yourself and do what is right for your lilfe becaause no matter what, you are left alone holding all of the blame when it all falls down.

I dont know where this quote came from but the following is not an original:
"Just because someone doesn't love you they way you want, doesn't mean they aren't loving you the best they can..."

Belive it or not, I can accept others for the way they are but it is not up to me to convince people that I have done just that. Take me or leave me, this is who I am... that doesnt mean I dont have room to improve and grow as a person, I have to make decisions that are for me and my family. Decisions may not always be easy, pleasing to others, or without that twinge of goodbye in my heart, but I have to live by the decisions I make. No one else... Peace

A mothers worst fear...

As a follower, a Christian soldier
We pray thine spirit into its rest
For the faithful, the diligent
Of whom indeed are forever blessed

This walk in life has now come to an end
For our brother, our family, our bereaved friend
As a child of God, amongst the obedient, the wise
We are thankful for your blessing, your presence in our lives

As you travel within the hereafter
May your soul receive love and protection
May all goodness and glory be bestowed
May you witness all the beauty of heaven

Forever in our hearts and minds you have a place
Always a gentle reflection of spirit and grace
As the angels above adorn your spirit’s welcome into the fold
Our love for you will always remain, peace be unto thy precious soul!

In Dedication To Ledale Thompson
crystyle.copyright2005

What do Mothers Wish for?

What do mothers dream about? I dont know about others, but this is what I dream about:

I hope my children are happy
I pray they are healthy
I wonder what they think of when they think of me
I wish them much success

I dont wish for them to be doctors, lawyers, or rich... I wish for them to be happy and well rounded

I wish for them to have healthy relationships throughout their journeys
I wish for them to be the best at whatever they desire

I wish for them to be respectful of themselves and others
I wish for them to be intelligent, but common sense is more important
I wish for them to know how much I love them and that I will always be there

I wish for them to cherish every day and every moment with those they love
I wish for them to have peace of mind

I wish for them to love one another as sisters should and for them to grow to be Strong Black Women

I wish for them to have confidence in everything they do...I wish for them to be loved and to be able to give love

I wish for them to be sensitive to others but not naive

This is what I wish for...

These folks mean sumptin 2 me...

I have friends that I have known for a very long time. I love them all! I know that no matter how often we visit or talk, it is like there was no absence.

As cleared out my address book recently, there were people's number and address I have been holding on to for no reason. Honestly, if they called, I would find a reason not to talk for a long time. Why then, do I need their information? Is it to keep in my address book for the sake of having something filled in?

I realize, it is not how many friends I have, but the quality of the friends I have that have. I have some very special people in my life and instead of dwelling on the ones that have drifted, I need to be a better friend to the ones I really love and care about.

I would never give up a true friend for a man, I would never lie to a friend to sound interesting, and I would never question a true friend's intentions. Don't get me wrong, if she has on an outfit she shouldn't, I will question that!!! If she is dating a 1 eyed bowlegged jolly rancher, I will question that!!

I have been fortunate to have the same 'gang of folks' for the past 20 years and I love them the same today as before, that is not true- I love them more. Let me break it down (my sister is not listed because there is no comparison):

Debo: He is the epitome of a real man. He is everything I hope my daughters find for themselves one day. He has made me laugh when I didn't think I have any laughter in me. He made it ok for me to cry and not be embarrassed (putting him in a headlock til he promised not to tell didn't have anything to do with it). He has helped me be a better person and he is my spiritual side. (not to mention, his answers on the tests and homework in highschool, were the BOMB)

T-Bone, Neck-Bone, Hambone, GetBone: (yeah, that is one person) He is like the little devil on my shoulder, he makes it ok to be me. He has been my heart and always will be. I can tell him the truth about any and everything. We talk about things most men and women don't discuss with each other. (Now that Ty & Debo realize I am still one of the guys, but I am not one of the guys, we straight-LOL)

Nicole: We have known each other for 15 years now and I must say, she has been the angel on the other shoulder. She accepts me for me and will tell me when she does not agree with me. I have always respected her and I love her dearly. We have gone through a lot together and if I need a PI, I know who to call...

Tyra: New to the circle but valuable, she is a wonderful person. She is honest and sincere. We have a lot in common and I wish I had known her a long time ago. I value her friendship and thank her for being a good person.

Neville: Where in the hell are you? Anyways, you are one of the most precious friends I have ever had. if i never ever find you again, I have memories and video footage of our times together. you never judged me and let me cry if i wanted mto cry. You were never scared to tell me what i needed to hear and I hope wherever you are, you are having fun and doing your thang!!! I miss you

Marci: Straight fool!!! This girl and I have not known each other long but if we had, this city would have had some trouble back in the day.... We know enough of the same people that it amazing we didn't run into each other (we have a secret list we are checking against, but that is another blog). I now have someone who can be the outspoken one if I don't feel like it... I would hate to have to straighten someone with her around, they will feel downright bad. I have meet my sarcastic match!!! did I already say she is a straight fool... calm down (we know folks..)

Now, if you are not listed, get your draws out your ass, it doesn't mean you are not dear to me or you are not special or a friend. I have a few friends not listed, these people are truly unique and if we could get our costumes together and determine who gets what superpowers, we could have our own League of Laughter. "Laughter Twin Power, Activate..." Who has the invisible jet? I have a cape and boots...let me hush- that is another blog all together...

Let's ride......

Have you ever laughed so hard?

Where is a tape recorder when you need one? I laugh so hard I cry at least once a day. I think it keeps me healthy...(or regular one...)

Either I talked to my mom and have to hang up before I cry out loud or I talked to my sister and have to hang up before I lose my job... We laugh so much it is unnatural. We can tell the same old story over and over and somehow it is still funny...

like when mom made her 'famous homeade Peach Cobbler' ... My mom knows this is our favorite dessert ever. She promised us she would make her 'famous homeade Peach Cobbler'. We were so excited!! (Wait, I need tissue to catch my tears)

Ok, she took some biscuits (like the kind you make on Saturday morning- POP the can on the egde of the counter- throw them in the pan and they are done)...laid them in a baking dish- we knew something wasnt right, homeade means, flour, sugar, etc...we were just kids, but we knew that much.

Then she took some canned Peach Halves, poured them on the biscuits and then placed more biscuits over the top of the Peaches. She baked them and when she laid the dish on the counter, we just looked at her.

Lets just say, the dog wouldnt eat them (really, he wouldnt touch them...) She had this look on her face like, "What, you dont like Cobbler?" All we could do is hit the floor laughing...


I think there are times, when my mom or sister call me and can say one word- I am done, I have lost all composure... Even when we are having our hormonal crisis', we somehow end up laughing... whether it is the common friend we have that uses big words the wrong way, or the one that cant pronounce the simplest words like, Paisley (he thinks it is the green stuff used to decorate a dish)...what is Laxydaisy? Or the person who thinks (get this):

Dennis Haysbert (actor on 24 and now on the Allstate commercials) is James Earl Ray, you know, the guy who plays the voice of Darth Vadar... This kills me everytime I think of it...

or my oldest daughter that cant pronounce Lasagna correctly, she refers to it as vagina... LOL

I hope everyone laughs like that everyday, if not- I gotcha... I will laugh for you right now...LOL

Watch out there now...

Ya know, I have a very close friend who I love dearly. She happens to be my sister.
I have always admired her sense of style and beauty (she isnt the most graceful but ya know...). She is probably the most beautiful person I will ever know (inside & out).

I have always felt the need to protect her from the world, well, I know I cant but I have tried. I have the utmost respect for her as a woman and as a mother.

See, so many people look at us and point out what they think are our differences. We look nothing alike, we dont act alike, and we dont react the same. We are total opposites. I sometimes look at her and see everything I am not. That is not a bad thing, I love her more because we are so different.

My sister is a strong woman, so am I- in different ways. I am an extrovert, she is an introvert. I am a compulsive neat freak (of sorts) and she, well..ummm, she just doesnt have to have vacuum lines... I know that she will be honest with me no matter what and I will do the same for her.

Lately, I feel like a mother that has watched their little one grow up and move on. I have slowly removed my arm from her shoulder (unless we walk through Walmart LOL) and I am proud of the butterfly she has become. For those who have ever doubted her strength, her courage, or her abilities, I say this to you:

WATCH OUT THERE NOW!!!

She is no longer my Kid Sister (kid sister, wherever I go- ur gonna go...kid sister & me), she is a grown woman, a wonderful mother, and my best friend. They say you cant pick your family (thank goodness, I mean really, where would all of those cleptomaniac 'habit-ful' relatives that we all have, call home) but you can pick your friends. I am glad I picked her as my friend, not just my sister.

CHANGE GON' COME...

There are so many things that fascinate me. I have numerous things I would love to do with my life and in my own way, I fulfill them. It may not be they way others want me to, but I am not scared to try new things. Some people look at this as a weakness, "You can't follow through or you are too indecisive..." Well, I have thought about it and I look at it as my strength.

Example: A dear friend calls me explaining they are tired, no appetite, headaches frequently, and a few other issues. I am no doctor (BY ANY MEANS) but I simply asked a few questions and suggested they go to the doctor and have their blood sugar checked. I told them to document everything they ate and did between that time and the appointment with their doctor. I received a call and they thanked me because they were told after a series of tests, they had Diabetes. Dont get me wrong, I am not a psychic, I seem to soak in information regarding anything medical. It may be an article, TV Show, or my curiosity...(I am not a doctor, I just play one on TV)

I may not know everything about cars, but I know enough not to get taken at a mechanics shop. I ask questions, I am not satisfied with someone telling me, "it's fixed". I enjoy looking, asking, helping (getting in the way at times), and knowing 'WHY'.

My girlfriend and I were talking about a little bit of nothing and she asked if I knew anyone who could fix a few things around her house. After a weekend of HGTV and a visit to Home Depot, we had fixed the leak under the sink, replaced a toilet, and patched a hole in the wall of her hallway.

I can read financial statements, understand the NYSE, decipher medical terminolgy, can change a tire (which I have found, many men can not do) and have a clear understanding of my rights. I have been able to draw from the different things I have learned from various jobs I have held.

I have worked in many different industries, from the medical field, to cable installation and dispatch, probation officer, financial manager, construction, food industry and a few others. I realize that all of the things I have done boil down to one thing, caring about the affect I have on others. I take a genuine approach to people. Now, that doesnt meant a nice approach or mean approach, I call it how I see it- but I care about people. I thrive on the fact, I am able to help people. I enjoy helping others.

Knowledge is my strength and for those who think less of me because I dont have that MBA (Executive MBA-LOL) or because I dont conform to their idea of 'successful' I say this- It is ok. (Besides, if I had been in your Executive MBA Class, your curve would have been gone LOL)

Really, if you are happy with yourself- what else matters? You dont know, try it. Be happy with you, it is ok if you strive to do better. But if you are truly happy with yourself, you will be the one still standing when change comes, believe it or not, CHANGE GON" COME...

Forgiveness, sho'll aint easy...

Have you wronged someone and wondered if they had forgiven you. How do you know someone has TRULY forgiven you? I guess you can ask and take their word for it. how do you really know?

Most people say, they pray for forgiveness, this is a good thing; however, shouldn't you also ask the person you wronged for forgiveness (I am not saying anyone is higher than HIM) ? I ask this because dont you think the wronged party needs to have closure? True alot of people say they dont care, but deep down, they probably do.

I make a point to ask the people I may have wronged (calm down, there were only a few...) to forgive me. If there is anyone that feels I have done something to cause them discomfort or emotional pain, I ask for your forgiveness.

For the one who took my heart, shattered it to pieces, and flushed it down the toilet, I forgive you.

For the skank tramp who slept with my husband, lived in my home, and destroyed my family, I forgive you.

For the one who cant own up to mistakes and constantly finds blame to place, I forgive you.

For the 'friend' who' slept with my college boyfriend at my house while I was at work, I forgive you. (this one was hard to do...but its done) and as for the college boyfriend, you are off the hook too...

For the one who chooses to be unfaithful (thinks she doesnt know, come on fool) and cant 'man-up' to the responsibilities of marriage, I forgive you, but I dont like you & I sometimes wish you needed Blue Star Ointment, but if she can forgive you, I forgive you.

For the one who cant seem to think of anyone but themselves, I forgive you.

For the one who knows what happened to my Siamese cat, I forgive you.

For the one who cant be honest with themselves to save a life, I forgive you.

For anyone that has wronged me, whether you know it or not, I forgive you.

For the 'friends' who are around when errythang good, I forgive you, I dont need you, but I forgive you.

I think forgiveness frees the heart and removes burdens. Try it, it is worth it. I am dedicating my energy to my children and my life. I no longer have time to hold grudges or 'get back' at people, Life is too short and by the time most people decide to enjoy it, it is over.

Love to everyone... holla, holla, holla.....

When is Good, Good Enough?

I am sometimes surrounded by people who can never be pleased. If they win a million bucks, there would be no rejoicing, they would find a reason to be upset. "It should have been 2 Million, blah blah blah ..."

I can only do what I can do and if it isn't good enough for them, so be it. I wonder when I will get immune to the negative vibe and only do things half ass, since there will be a complaint anyways... I hope I have a long time till that day comes.

I wish I could get people to understand that SOMETHING has to make them happy, they just wont let it happen. I am tired of always being the sounding board for every injustice.

I am tired of being under-appreciated and overworked. I am tired of not having anyone to listen to me when I have a bad day, or just a bad moment in my day. I guess I wonder, "Harpo, what about me...this here my juke joint.."

Down to Four

I dont go out often but when I do, I like to enjoy myself. I am not the coat holder of the bunch but I am not the dance hall-in the corner-with EVERYONE slut of the bunch either.

What I dont understand is this, why do ADULTS not understand what a PERSONAL DRINKING LIMIT is and how to react when you know you have reached it.

How much alcohol can there be in one drink to make someone (who can usually drink the corner whino under the table) suddenly turn into, " Whew I am so, Dwunk..."? Then proceed to stumble, tumble, and giggle like a damn idiot...(while mainitaining their balance in 4" stilettos and walking like their hips have a turn dial).

I admit, I have girlfriends that when we have a 'house party' with just the girls, they drink like fish. Howsumeva, they get in a club and 1/2 Cosmopolitan later, they are topless, grinding on ANYBODY & EVERYBODY (male & female) and acting like Petey Pablo swinging their shirts in the air.

Later, the rest of us have to start playing babysitter, (ya just cant let ya girl roll off with some grilled out dude named Big Daddy that she just met..). Our night is now ruined because we have to constantly play tag-team and peel guys off of her when she starts to get more than she can handle (for the 5th time) and then we find ourselves looking for her coat, keys, or prying a drink (the same Cosmopolitan from the start of the evening) out of her hands.

Dont get me started about listening to her cry like a banshee all the way home because, ' I shouldnt have had so much to drink, I am so embarrassed, I dont usually act like this... what was in that drink?'

All I can say is from now on my girls & I have decided to go out and tell "Alcohol Slut" about it the next day. We are headed out right now and although we will miss her antics (not) she will be ok, if not- so what, we will have had a ball by the time she finds out.

Gotta go, my girls just pulled up- I'll send A.S. my blog so she will have something to do tonight ... maybe she will get drunk off of this...

Holla

I thank my sister for reminding me that I had thoughts about this subject...

Lord, help my Momma...

There are so many things I have learned from my mom, whether it was from her pearls of wisdom or from her mistakes...

I have learned that maternal instincts and 'grandmaternal instincts' are not one in the same. As a mother, she was a WONDERFUL protector, GREAT teacher, and the best friend I could ever ask for.

She raised me to love myself, have faith in GOD, and to do the best I can. Because of her, I realized I am a great person because I said so and treat others the way they better treat me. She has a way of making me feel like, "ok, you did something SO stupid, i dont know what to say, but I love you"

I use this philosophy with my children as does my sister. I know now how hard it is to teach and guide a young person and for her strength and courage I am truly grateful. Even with mistakes, my mom handled it (no matter how long it took) and put her best foot forward.

She has never run from a problem and may not have done EVERYTHING right but if I can be 1/2 as good of a person as she is, I will be GREAT. Now, dont get it twisted... mistakes were a plenty but she never lied to us, never misinterpreted a situation, and never turned her back.

I do know that as I got older and with her being my only Guidance Counselor persay, I had a lot of freedom to make all of the mistakes most kids wait to do when they leave home.

She told me the consequences of things and although I had to verify that on my own, I was the only one out of all of my friends that could call home at 10:30pm and say, "mom, I had a few drinks and I want to come home"

I could always count on, "stay right there and SOMEBODY will be there in 10 minutes" Now, this is the funny part, she worked for the MPD (Memphis Police Department) and I knew that SOMEBODY would mean the 'Po-Po'.

There were times that she took alot of criticism from family because her ways were so unorthodox (what does that mean anyways) but looking at those folks now and their kids- my sister and I came out on top. We dont have records (not for lack of being stupid), we arent junkies, we arent alcoholics, we dont abuse out kids, we dont have 6-7 kids all 9-12 months apart (at age 21), and we have great jobs, full lives, and are well rounded.

My mom is the most honest person I know (unless she tells you she is almost there, or on the way).

I thank her and although the only time I really asked for a pet (a puppy when i was 4) I got a little sister (go figure)... she has made me responsible, honest, and caring. I can talk to her about anything, everything, or nothing but most importantly, I can talk to her.

She isnt scared to tell me, " that is absolutely the dumbest shit I have ever heard" or "what were you thinking? Obviously nothing".

Now the 'grandmaternal instincts'

I know things change from generation to generation but things like:

What can the baby eat?
What age should she start walking?
How do you check the temperature?Is 100 degree temperature considered high?
WHERE ARE THE KIDS? (while I surf the 'net)
What do you mean, they need to eat dinner?

I wonder sometimes, ok- did she have a nanny that I dont remember and if not how in the HELL did I survive... She is a great grandmother, my kids cant seem to go 2 days without seeing her or they will get plum dumb.

However, I know that her version of 'watching' them means just that, 'watching' them (while they eat wax fruit or stick their heads in the toilet) and that choking sound- what ever could that be...oh well, let me check my email....ho hummmm

How do you change your legal name...

How do you change your legal name? I ask not because I do not like 'Theresa', I am proud to be named after my GreatGrandmother...

I ask because since I became a mother, I dont think I have even heard my legal name, unless I am at work. I remember the days I may have answered to 'baby', 'cutie', or even 'hey!!!' Now, as I walk through Walmart, I hear a itty bitty teanichy (Sis, you know this word) voice scream out, "MOMMY!"

I turn and frantically look around, I feel the hairs on my arms raise and sweat beads start to form... This is a cry for help, it is not a 'mommy, I'm playing with you' scream, it is a 'mommy, I am wearing gas panties and sitting on the stove' scream... I start having heart palpitations as I look up and down the aisle and the next aisle... Wait, my kids are at home... Whew!

This let me know I have lost my identity, I am no longer Theresa, I am 'Mommy', 'The girls mom", and a few other mommy titles.... I went to sign the check for daycare, which is more than my car payment, and signed the damn thing Mommy.

Bill collectors even call me asking for Mommy... how and when did this happen, I hear my children in my sleep and for the life of me I wish "You are my Sunshine" had never been scribed... Who wrote this shit anyways... not to mention 'Mr. Sun, Sun, Mr. Golden Sun...'

I find myself walking through the grocery store on the phone with my sister and we are trying to remember the words to different childrens songs... Between the 2 of us, we can tell you EVERY childrens show, EVERY character ever invented, the time and channel each show comes on, and probably who produces each one. We even know the real people that play most of the characters... (Sad, I know...)

It is however, a wonderful feeling to have my kids laughing and playing when they dont know I am watching. The oldest pretends to be me and to hear her mock me and laugh and play with her sister makes remembering my real name unimportant.